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Fall 2006 December 22, 2006

Posted by danucube in Nursing, Nursing School, Providence, reflections.

During Fall, I took process (another one… mostly on nursing diagnosis… a royal pain… and other stuff like connecting to patients and patient teaching which actually is quite interesting as there are so much psycho-social stuff in this area), med-surge, 2nd skills class, and my first med-surge clinical.

This semester, however, was very hard for me emotionally. Now as I looked back, I proabably was having difficulty at concentrating for at least the first half of the semester.

It was hard emotioinally because we lost one of our classmate due to some personal circumstances. I guess it would not be as hard if I was not so involved in helping my classmate (with plenty of help from other classmates also). I aslo guess that is the disadvantage of a close knit cohort as everyone were affected. Also another one of my friend who has a major influence in me going into nursing was not doing well medically.

As for my clinical this semester, got some good feedback from my clinical instructor as to what areas I might consider and what areas I should not touch with a 10-foot pole. Areas like ER or ICU, I probably would not touch with a 100-foot pole. Areas where it requires lots of pt-nurse psycho-social interactioins are areas I should look into. Some potential areas that fits this according to my instructor are Burn Nursing, Oncological Nursing, and Postpartum Nursing (aaahhhh… don’t think so…. I don’t think I’ll touch maternity related areas). Another area I notice could be Nephrological Nursing might fit. This is, of course, on top of psych nursing, pallitive nursing, and geriatric nursing (I thought I was suppose to narrow these things down, not expand them…).

And I learned something very interesting in clinical… I was emotionally prepared to see really bad things… and I did see some really sad situations in clinical and I was ok… what blind sided me was the small things…. one was when I was feeding a pt and that brought back memories of me feeding my mom when she was very illed which was ok…. another was a patient who had very high blood pressure and it was climbing, the pt was vomiting, elderly, and it was at night…. that triggered me BIG time as all I could see was when my mom first had her stroke which her blood pressure was 220/150. The vomiting trigger a little bit of the memory of my dad actually since that was what happened to him before he died. The main trigger was the one of the numbers in the BP, it was over 200.

That was a horrible clinical night as I basically blew it… like I missed whole bunch of stuff which I should have reported to the RN and these were potentially very critical stuff (I wrote them down but I did not report it, I have no idea why). When my instructor asked me a few questions and the answer was right in my notes and I was looking at my notes; I couldn’t answer the question b/c I ddi not see the answer although I was looking at it. One of my classmate noticed something was wrong and asked what was going on. The instructor also noticed something was wrong.

We stayed way over our normal hours at night to try to reverse the mistakes I made. I got a stern lecture from the instructor and also from the RN whom I was working with. But despite the horrible clinical night, there was grace. Grace in the form of two very insightful nurses (my instructor happens to be a psych nurse). They did not stop with the lecture, they digged and found out the 220 trigger. I actually could not talk at one point (got a frog in my throat) because of the 220. Both of them helped me to understand that it is not uncommon for small things to trigger big time. They were very compassionate with me. I actually gave the RN a hug (I never thought I would do that as I seldom hug normally) b/c of the many different things she taught me during that night and b/c of her compassion. My instructor told me that I would need to grief again. I did not grief… until two days later early in the morning… all of a sudden… the grief hit me. The next Monday, my instructor personally found me in lab and pulled me out of lab to check on how I was doing. I could not have a better instructor and I told her about something which I will share here.

Ever since one night I went looking for one of my very illed friend in a super dark night, with heavy rain, thunder, and lighting, I never did like rain since then. After that very dark night at clinical… it was dark (around 11:30 at night) and it was raining… a strange mysterious thing happened… my dislike of rain stopped…. the rain now signify that God was showering me with grace…. grace in the form of two very insightful and compassionate nurses who took me under their wings during that dark clinical night. Someday, when I am good enough, I hope I will pass the same kind of grace that I experienced to others around me.

Althogh it was hard emotionally this semester, there was also a third gracegrace in the middle of darkness… God provided a nursing buddy for me to study with, to share with, and to pray with. It is interesting that this semester I took a class call “Glimps of grace.” How appropriate.

We’ll see if I survive the next year… stay tune…



1. mona - January 29, 2007

what nursing school do you attend?

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